Excerpt of a Focusing Oriented Experience

THE LIGHT ON THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOON

The Guest House ~ Rumi

This being human is a guest house.

 Every morning a new arrival.

 A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

  as an unexpected visitor.

 Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows, 

 who violently sweep your house

  empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

 He may be clearing you out

  for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,

  meet them at the door laughing,

  and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,

 because each has been sent

 as a guide from beyond.

The following excerpt is part of my journey of healing using Focusing Oriented Therapy:

I am listening to Russell Delman, teacher of the Embodied Life School, talk to us about how we can attend to our living so that we cultivate implicit interconnectivity with our true selves, our environment, and each other. He often uses Rumi’s “The Guest House” as a parable for how we can get more and more comfortable with being the host, having the guest (the feeling), and being the house (the space). Being in the larger space that’s noticing is another way that we can be both in and with a moment. The following dialogue is an example of that process. 

Russell: There is a larger consciousness that we want to have more accessibility with so that we can be both in and with the physical sensations and images that arise. It is essential in our unfolding that the permeability to that larger space gets more and more familiar so that even in our deepest struggles, it is nearby. We want to have practiced the movement towards that state—so that it is well known to our nervous system, so that it is easily accessible. In listening to what comes with all that, how it feels familiar or strange or whatever arises, we are listening from the inner felt sense along with any words . . . a sharing of that quality . . a question, a confusion, a statement: What comes with all that? 

Randi: I’ve been sitting with how to welcome into my house a visitor that I’m not really comfortable with and I wonder if you could give me a visual—a picture?

Russell: So, it’s not new, but it needs a very frequent reminder that as the larger space, there isn’t an opinion about what comes into the space. Literally, the house, this room itself doesn’t have an opinion about what appears in this room. So when you are that space, you are spacious, welcoming, warm. Now there’s something in you that doesn’t like something that appears, so . . when we have that language, it’s not just a linguistic gymnastics or jujitsu or something. It’s literally positioning oneself differently in relation to the unpleasant thing so there needs to be room for all our reactivity—all of the things we like/don’t like; want/don’t want—but on the level of liking/not liking, wanting/not wanting, choosing/not choosing—all we can do is move the furniture around. We can’t liberate from it. So, it’s important to move the furniture around. It’s a good thing to move the furniture around, and sometimes we can discard an old chair that’s broken or something, but from the point of view of the larger space, the broken furniture is fine. Are you following me here?

Randi: Yes!

Russell: Okay, so what objects to all that?

Randi: Well, part of me feels like the part of me that’s grounded and in my strong self should tell the guest that it’s not welcome, ‘You are not welcome!’

Russell: Uh-huh, yes!

Randi: Go out that door!

Russell: Right! Good, . . . so . . there’s an importance in our everyday life to learn how to say “No!” It’s one of the very important communications that we need to make. When people hear things like unconditional presence, welcoming warmth, we think that “no” is the only thing that’s not welcome (laughs). But the “no,” the boundaries, the “this works for me, this doesn’t work for me” is essential for evolving humanity. So my picture of the new true human being . . . includes how to stand up for oneself, how to have one’s voice, and how to have that in effective ways. It’s rarely just yelling out of reactivity or pushing out of reactivity, although that might be the best one can do in the moment. In my picture of evolving our new true human being, we get other options of how to say no, how to take care of the boundary in life-giving ways. Are you with me?

Randi: I’m with you. I think there’s a fuzzy edge around…around the sense that it’s part of myself I want to say no to… and I don’t know if I’m struggling with the rightness of that.

Russell: Okay, do you want to take a minute with it now?

Randi: Sure.

Russell: Okay, let’s take a little time so we cannot be abstract and we can feel into it.

So, let that go to the background a minute. Feel yourself in the chair, just sitting here. Feel your feet on the floor. Let the chair come in and your hands come in. Really ground in this physical body, in this moment . .and if it feels right, maybe close your eyes. If not, that’s fine. Sense yourself really in the chair, in this room, hearing my voice . . . Feel this breath, you’re right here. As you go inside into the inner spaces, into your chest, your belly . . . just kind of put an invitation there for something about this wondering . . . . this part that’s not welcome . . and how to be in relationship to that part in a way that would feel right . . That’s the inner investigation going on . . . so just kind of take that in . . and taste it . . and get a flavor of that whole question . . and as different places emerge, you can speak for what you’re noticing freshly about this question. Some of it you’ve already seen. Some of it will be new. Let it all be fresh.

Randi: It’s like I see this sort of bogart, goblin-creature, at my door . . um, but it’s very shyly there at this moment. As I question how to be in relationship with it, I think it . . . . it’s standing more at the door and it’s less overwhelming.

Russell: Okay, so let’s go slow here. So right away, there’s a sense that asking how to be in relationship with it, kind of changes its energy a little bit…it gets less pushy, less aggressive, and it’s standing there at the door and there’s a wondering how to be with this place, and . . .

Randi: It’s a sense of . . . it’s a physical sense that I’m dealing with . . pain and tiredness . . and it feels all-encompassing . . like it takes away my energy to be present.

Russell: Uh-huh, uh-huh . . . so let’s see if I’m getting it right? So there’s this pain and it’s tiring and can feel all encompassing—it takes your presence . . and is that happening now?

Randi: Uh-huh . . I’m kind of sinking into it.

Russell: So you’re noticing a kind of sinking into this place? At the same time, is it possible to have just a little bit of noticing there’s a sinking into that place?

Randi: Mm-hh.

Russell: Good, good—so we have this noticing and this sinking. What’s that sinking sense of? How do you feel it? What are the qualities?

Randi: Just like a nausea . . a bottomless elevator shaft or something. 

Russell: Uh-huh.

Randi: Whew . . . (letting out breath) . . . tired.

Russell: Uh-huh, tired, so you’re really noticing this something like a bottomless elevator shaft that’s really tired and this kind of sinking down . . and let it know that you know that it’s there, that that’s happening, and…

Randi: So I’m also aware of another part . . uh . . that isn’t comfortable with that part. There’s another part that… prefers to see myself with vital life-force energy.

Russell: Right! Of course! So you’re also in touch with this other place that really wants to feel alive! More lively! And wants to get rid of this bottomless elevator shaft fatiguing place. Yeah, of course!  Of course that’s true, so we see all that. And again, feel you’re in your chair. Feel your feet. You’ve got yourself in this room, being present with the pulling down energy…and how do you sense in your body the place that really wants to feel the liveliness and can stand up for your life force? How do you feel that place?

Randi: It’s more like a visual thing over here . . the other part is . . . . more like in my whole abdominal area.

Russell: Yeah, the other part is really pulling you down from your belly down, and this part is a little outside on you right there . . kind of…

Randi: It’s like an oval.

Russell: Uh-huh, right.

Randi: I see myself joyful, smiling.

Russell: Yeah.

Randi: Interested, curious . . .

Russell: Really take your time with that . . it’s there . . that’s actually part of your body . . even though its outside your physical body. . .it’s part of your field . .it’s right out here…

Russell: Let’s just be with this place . . it’s like a circle, a sphere outside your body out here on the right that’s got a lot of vitality. . . it’s got a lot of interest and wanting to be alive . . and let it know you know it’s there. Let it know you’re with it also. So we’ve got these two . . .this pull-down thing in your belly and this place there and you’re sitting in this chair with all of this, so really take your time now. See what wants to be known from here.

Randi: It’s interesting… there’s a balance, slightly skewed. . .It’s on one side, this heaviness…and on the other is… the aliveness but its toned down a bit… like its entered a . . . shady area…its noticing the heaviness.
Russell: So, they’re a little bit closer in a way. One is the heaviness over here on the left, and the other is a kind of toned-down vitality that’s in the shade…and now it’s kind of coming over here and meeting it . . yeah . . so be with that meeting right now.

Randi: It’s standing at the edge.

Russell: Ah, really take your time . . right here.

Randi: It’s curious but also has some fear.

Russell: Mm, you’re noticing how it’s curious and has some fear. Let it know you really hear it. . and it’s…I’m just guessing . . and correct it [if I’m wrong] . . it’s afraid of being overwhelmed by the other.

Randi: It’s afraid of being taken over (gently places her hand on her chest).

Russell: Oh, being taken over is right . . good . . so you are with these places . . .yeah, (responding to her gesture). Feel that right there.

Randi: I think it’s scary because it’s . . um . . empty of life.

Russell: Ah, the scariness is the emptiness of life? So you’re with right now the place that’s curious and not wanting to be overwhelmed and it sees there is something about that place being empty… and its scared of that…empty of life, and . . .

Randi: It’s like the dark side of the moon.

Russell: Yeah, it’s like the dark side of the moon. Yeah. So notice if it would feel right from here to turn towards that dark side place.

Randi: On the other side of the dark side of the moon, isn’t there light? (in a strained, questioning voice)

Russell: Well . . you’re going to have to tell me (chuckles at the visual).

Randi: I think I saw a flicker of light (stands up from chair as if peering around something but keeps her eyes closed).

Russell: Huh? It was just a flicker… Oh! That’s a good gesture! That’s information right there! There’s something about coming around that place from the other side .  . . Yeah, do that gesture again!

Randi: If I could just get around . . I think I need to open my eyes . . . (stands up and repeats the gesture, bending and peering around) like that.

Russell: Yeah, and really take in this dark place from the other side where there is a little light.

Randi: Okay.

Russell: Take your time… really take your time…let it show you.

Randi: It’s really unknown.

Russell: Mmm, right! It’s really unknown.

Randi: It’s unknown.

Russell: Yes. It’s really unknown, and it’s letting you know, right now…can you feel? There’s a little more life in it? It’s really unknown … and does it feel right to say it’s not only heavy and dark and un-vital; it also has some other qualities?

Randi: Mmm-hmm.

Russell: Yeah, let it know you know that.

Randi: I really see that there are other qualities of darkness. A summer dark night can be nice.

Russell: Hmm.

Randi: And I’m remembering that as a child I was afraid of the dark. . . . you know, it makes me realize I can be with that child.

Russell: Yeah.

Randi: I can hug her and say “you don’t need to be afraid of the dark.”
Russell: Or even, “I’m with you and we’ll be going towards that together.”

Randi: Yeah, it’s still a little scary.

Russell: Yeah.

Randi: I want to bring it back to whatever is going on with my body.

Russell: Yeah, so let that place that’s scared know that you know it’s still scared…and that it’s really—I’m guessing—not wanting you to take it lightly…the concern is real…that there’s a scared place in there that needs to know it’s not being overlooked... and that it gets its due also.

Randi: So being with all of that I find some humor, some joy, some vitality…in being able to look around the moon to the light side…I think I want to bring that in. 

Russell: Yeah, and really let that come in and also let it know you’ll be back. It has much more to teach you about how to have it in ways that contribute to the overall being of Randi.

Randi: Yes, (bowing) . .beautiful, thank you very much.